A Maybe Baby, Miscarriage and Trying to Get Pregnant with Fibromyalgia

The hubby and I decided we were going to "pull the goalie" and start trying to make little Music's last fall. At that point, I was off nearly all of medications except for Cymbalta and Effexor. I no longer regulalry used painkillers, sleep aids, muscle relaxers, sedatives, tranquilizers and whatever other "ers" the doctors prescribed me monthly following the diagnosis.
I had stopped taking oral birth control in July as well, as he and I had entertained the idea of entering parenthood in the sooner versus the latter.
So, by October I was virtually "good to go."
 Well, he and I may have "pulled the goalie" a little prematurely, given I was just starting to taper down from the big boy anti-depressants: Effexor XR 150MG a day and Cymbalta 30MG daily.
Low and behold, to my suprised fibro-eyes, we got pregnant right away. I know what you're thinking, "DUH! what do you expect?"
And you're right, looking back getting pregnant is not rocket science. But given the state of my body, and what terrible shape it was in--stressed out, fibrofied, just off all sorts of meds--I sort of half expected my eggs to put up a road block and stand up violently for themselves protecting my womb from invasion and change.
There they are standing armed and dangerous, taking out every swimmer with the gall to approach, shooting them down one by one.
In reality, my egg was just idly hanging out. In fact, I assume it was drunk, holding up a peace flag, inviting anyone and everyone over to party,  like the easy tramp that it is.

So by early November I was pregnant. By mid November, I knew it and I called my psychiatrist who prescribes me the big boy drugs, Effexor and Cymbalta and screamed at him " I'm pregnant what the heck do I do? These  drugs are POISON to my Maybe Baby!!!"

This is when the hubby and I adopted the term, "Maybe Baby." Because Effexor XR is known to cause to spontaneous abortions. So I was terrified. And in addition, my body being in its fragile state, without these drugs, might resist the implantation or major changes going on. Don't misunderstand me, I became extremely attached to the idea of this maybe baby and did everything by the book to create a nice little happy place for it to grow and develop. A dream home, a perfect easy-bake-oven.

The thing is, the chances of this  going badly were great from the very beginning. I could sense it in my body.  So Maybe Baby had a fighting chance, but emotionally I knew it could very well all end in a miscarriage.

And it did.

Despite me stopping all of my anti-depressants cold turkey (do not do this, by the way, before consulting your doctor.).  And despite eating well, sleeping, resting, not drinking, yada yada yada...we miscarried about 4 weeks into the pregnancy.

I blame the Effexor. And my temporary lapse of judgement in thinking my eggs had any sense of self control.  Easy, easy eggs!

But I am relieved. Deeply. I am saddened, but relieved. The idea of exposing Maybe Baby to any of these drugs terrified me. I felt consumed with guilt, even for the short period of time it was. The damages that these drugs can do are tremendous. So, I feel blessed that my body knew this was not the right time for us. And now, three months later, I am 100% drug free and in such a better place physically in terms of my nutrition and management of the disease, I know my easy-bake-oven is going to make the next Maybe Babye very happy.

In terms of those four weeks being pregnant with fibro, it was intense. And I didn't even need to take a pregnancy test to know. Although, I did. But my body flared RIGHT UP! I suspect, that will be the case for most of us fibros when getting knocked up. =)

I had the lingering fever, that actually led me to be bedridden for 5 days. It caused me extraordinary pain in my legs, my back, frankly the whole body. I had all the common symptoms of pregnancy. And I know them, because I have been pregnant twice before-both times were big OOPS! and both times were years prior to the fibromyalgia. The other two times, I also miscarried.  The other times I was on Effexor XR. And the other two times I did not know (for the most part) I was pregnant until I miscarried.

But that's deeply personal stuff I won't go into here. I just mention it to let you know, I DO KNOW, what early pregnancy symptoms feel like before and after having fibromyalgia. And being pregnant with fibro is way more intense and your body is much more hypersensitive to it.

With that said, fibromyalgia and pregnancy is not going to be easy. This is why I am very nervous about it. But I also hear that a fetus/embryo has the ability and been reported to "heal" the mother.
If that's the case, consider me a baby farm! Who needs a surrogate? Let's go! Fix me up. (JK)

I am excited to take this journey. And to share my experiences with those of you wondering what fibro and pregnancy really feels like. Now we just have to leave it to the powers that be decide if I am ready to ever bring a baby to full term. I can't wait to explore the major ups and down of trying to conceive, pregnancy and labor while being fibrofantastic.

Fibrofantastic is really silly to say. Sorry for putting you through that. Lol.